So when I went to the viewing for my Grandfather tonight I went in feeling alright thinking I can handle it. I was fine up until the song Landslide by Stevie Nicks came on and reality hit me again. The last time I talked to my Grandfather he was dropping me off at my place after we went on one of our infamous grape runs. As I was getting out of the car that song came on the radio and the last thing I said to him was "I'll see you later" as it was every time we'd see each other. I always said that because I always believed it, no matter what would happen I would always see him again.
The only problem is as I sit hear with the tears running down my face like they've been every night I have to deal with the fact that I'm never going to see him again.
I sat in the church tonight looking over at my Grandmother thinking to myself that Grandpa is supposed to be sitting next to her just like every other family function. I'd then look over at the casket and it just didn't look right. It doesn't feel right.

Since I was six years old I've been going to funerals at least once a year. I've seen a lot of friends and family go and I've been there for those who needed me in those times of loss. Every time I felt like I was losing touch more and more because it got easier to deal with every time. In other words, I got used to it.

I remember two weeks ago getting the call from my Mom telling me that Grandpa was taken to the hospital and it didn't look good. I tried to prepare myself. I told myself this could be it. I never went into his room without at least my Mom there too. I needed to be strong one more time and hope with everyone else that just like every other time he'd wake up and go home.

When my sister called to tell me he was gone I broke down. Hell I'm still broken. I'm never again going to see the one person I thought would always be there. Now I don't know how to cope with it. This isn't like all those other times. Even the first one didn't hurt like this.

The first thing I said to him tonight was "I finally got my hair cut" and the last was "Save me a seat."


I'm no christian, I don't really call myself anything. I just hope there is some sort of after life so I can see Grandpa again one day.

The funny thing is that after losing both of my Grandfathers this year I remembered that in a photo album I have at home are pictures of both of them. The pictures are from twenty five years ago when I turned six years old.